Robbers Are Denied by Unwavering “Opponent”

Earlier this week in Port St. Lucie, Florida, two not men attempted to rob a closed gas station but were thwarted by what had to be the most awesome window in gas station history.

As was reported on Facebook by the Port St. Lucie Police Department, the two suspects armed with a hammer tried everything early Tuesday morning to breach the store — hitting the window with the hammer, ramming their bodies into it, kicking it, etc. — but failed every single time. “The suspects then fled the scene in shame,” the department added.

What prevented the burglars from gaining access to the gas station was the impact-resistant nature of the store’s windows. The beautiful part is that the windows were designed to stop hurricanes, not human thieves — but they work just as well.

Speaking with local news station, gas station owner Art Giordano revealed that the windows had cost him a fortune but that clearly, they had been a worthwhile investment. “You’ll save money in the long run because they didn’t get in the store,” he noted.

Specifically, the window the robbers targeted reportedly withstood “23 hits with a hammer, 5 body slams and 4 ninja kicks to the glass,” as counted by local news channel WPEC.

As of Saturday, the suspects had not yet been apprehended. Realistically, the police will likely not be able to find these guys. Hopefully, however, these two doofuses have learned a good lesson about how how a life in crime rarely works out the way one would expect. If they haven’t, the cops are going to get them soon. Criminals this dumb can’t stay out of jail for long.